Pride is no sane bet
by lafeedeslilas
Summary: First starts with a discussion. Then the bet: He will dress as a girl and she as a boy. Finally a chain of events consisting in fake boobs, deceiving looks, tricky crushes and maybe true love? Well, just how far are the partners willing to take this bet?
1. Chapter 1: The pink tutu and the bet

**Chapter one: The pink tutu and the bet**

………………**..**

**4:57 pm, in front of Maka and Soul's home.**

"No way…"

"Way." Maka crossed her arms "The bet is on!"

………………

**13 minutes before. 4:44 pm, way to home from shibusen. **

"Couldn't you have just restrained yourself from _one_ single book chop?" Soul scowled as he walked in his cool-some stance: hands in pockets and arrogant gaze. "Couldn't you have just acted more like a _girl_? That must have hurt like hell; poor boy, he must be in the hospital by now."

"Well excuse _me_ for not being so 'lady-like'," The girl with neatly tied up pig tails raised her fingers in a double comma sign and pouted as defense, "It's not _my_ fault that _he_ flipped my skirt! It was a reflex!"

"He was 10 years old for shinigami's sake. A toddler! It was an innocent joke. Even someone as cool as me did that when I was his age" This time was Maka's turn to scowl and tap her foot on the stone embedded ground, Soul understood what the girl meant with that action and admitted the truth

" Fine! Maybe I still do from time to time." He cleared his throat and continued his protest, "Anyways! If you could have held back just a little, you wouldn't have been named 'book-zilla' by the whole primary section and the soul we had worked so hard on to collect that morning wouldn't have been confiscated by the teacher!"

"But… he was the one who was wrong. I am the victim here!" Soul stopped his walking as the couple reached their apartment's door. Maka followed the same action.

"Then you could have acted more feminine and give off a girlish scream or something. You could have earned some pity like that, and the teachers would have rebuked the little guy. But _no_. What happened? You just had to give him one of your deadliest Maka chops (which I painfully and fully remember) in front of the whole crowd. At least he was smart enough to begin crying on the spot and faint to make you seem like the bad guy." Maka backed up with an offended face,

"Look, I can be feminine if I want to ok? Butt out!" The weapon didn't get the obvious hint and pressed his partner on,

"Ha! Well, you know what? You are nowhere near to the term 'girlish' than black star in a_ pink tutu_." Maka face paled in shock and disgust as she imagined the bulky rough figure with the delicate ballet dress. Soul smirked in satisfaction at his triumph and said the final sentence that ticked his partner totally off. "I mean even,_ I_, with my amazing and cool acting skills, can act more like a girl than _you_! Better said, _anyone_ could be more feminine than you!"

For a second the tech was silenced. Then Soul heard something snap, soon he realized that it had been his meister's reason line. Her head hung down in an eerie manner and then from her mouth a freakish haunting laugh began to echo. Soul twitched; that was definitely not a good sign. Not the symptoms when she was ready to chop. They were symptoms of an evil plan being plotted. He knew that expression she was currently wearing: It was Stein's, when he is about to dissect something. Maka lifted her face, possessing the creepy smile Soul had predicted she would have under the face-obscuring bangs and said to her partner who was beginning to fear for his life,

"Really then. Show me…" Maka leaned nearer to Soul's face "…Your so-amazing acting skills. _Soul_." The girl practically spit his name on his face and so he stepped backwards, dumbfounded at the nonsensical request.

"What?"

"You heard me. Show me a real girl; cross dress."

"haha.. you think I would do that? I'm not insane, just yet."

"Tch. Tch." The brunette shook her head in mocking pity and circled the scythe as an inspector would, "Is it my imagination or do I see _fear _in your eyes? Scared Soul? A _cool _person like you, is _scared _by this little dare? Even _I _can be cooler guy than you." Soul felt a pang on his pride and fell right into Maka's astute clutch.

"Hell, I'm not afraid of that. Fine! I'll be more of a girl than anything you can be. But then _you_ try to act like a guy. I'll show you that the world of men it isn't as easy as you, naïve little girl think."

"Then the deal is closed" The partner just realized the mistake he had made and tried to make the amends…

"Wai.." …but it was too late. Maka cut him off,

"The signaled date of start is tomorrow, the dare is on for two weeks. You dress as a girl and I as a guy. The winner will be the one who gets the acceptance of the class as worthy of the opposite gender. The winner gets the loser to do whatever she or he wants. Agreed?"

"No way…"

"Way." Maka crossed her arms "The bet is on!"

The tech peeled the white glove she had been wearing and stretched her bare hand beaming with confidence. Soul just stared at it; too disconcerted to say or do something.

Suddenly understanding his current position, Soul felt his world _almost _crumble. But just as quick as he had fell in the depression hole he did his comeback, regaining his devilish smirk on his features. He was conscious that this was going to be the most humiliating and ridiculous thing he would ever do in his life, but if he was going to do this, he was going to win.

Soul handed his hand, and the meister accepted it welcomingly. Blood eyes and emerald eyes glinted with the help of the laughing sun, with clear determination; neither was going to back off that easily.

As both hands shook in agreement, one thing was made clear.

The bet was _definitely_ on.

……….

**Author notes:**

**Yeah, cross dressing. Ever done that? Maybe not XD.**

**And Meh, I know, short.. Well this is the intro anyways so bear with it till next update  
**

**Now… if you do not wish to see black star on a pink tutu next morning… review!!**

**If you do… well no comments. Review anyways (yay)!!!**


	2. Chapter 2: Prepare for war

**Chapter two: Prepare for war and stock the ammo**

**The Contract.**

Maka albarn, Shibusen Id student card N 22743, and Soul Eater Evans, Shibusen Id student card N 50091 participate in this bet contract with Dr. Frank Stein, Shibusen Id teacher card N 99944, as the witness.

_ONE.- The bet is on for two weeks._

Maka wrote the first rule on a neat blank paper, Soul furrowed his brows.

"Oi. You don't need to write that down. We already know that."

"It's called formalities,_ Soul_. Just let a pro handle this."

"Pro? you used to do bet contracts when you were little or what?"

"And I have won every one of them." The tech flashed a proud grin and Soul snorted.

"You are not going to win this one"

"We will see about that"

Maka scribbled down the second rule.

_TWO.-The participants must act as cousins. In other words, use a fake identity._

"Wait. We are going to have fake identities? Isn't that too ..extreme?"

"Chickening out?"

"No way." Replied Soul defensively. After a pause, he asked "What name are you going to use?"

"I was thinking about Makatarou"

"Pfft. You a hamster?_ Hamtaro_?" Mocked Soul pointing and laughing his ass off.

"Then what were you thinking of naming yourself?" Maka flushed and placed her arms on her hips in annoyance

"Ursoula"

"That's… " Maka trailed off and both remained in silence and after reflecting a little Soul said meekly

"We should help each other in this one" Maka nodded

_THREE.- The participants can have one person (of their same gender) who can help the participant with the dare. If the participant wins, the helper gets to ask one thing from the participant he has helped._

"That sounds fair. I'll go with Kidd." Maka face reflected obvious surprise which Soul caught, he shrugged and explained "Kidd would know more about girls than _anything _Black Star would know"

"True" This time the weapon gave his partner the inquiring look, Maka simply answered as he had expected "Tsubaki, obviously."

_FOUR.-The loser is the one who gets discovered by anyone in class (teachers and the helper don't count) before the two weeks end._

"I thought it was about getting accepted by the class?"

"This is practically the same. If they discover you that would mean that you didn't convince them about your fake gender." Maka spun the pencil she was holding, "But you also have to be popular; I mean _anyone_ can pretend to be of a different gender if they don't stand out."

_FIVE.- The winner gets the loser to do whatever she or he wants._

"Ah, the prize" Soul felt his lips tug upward with anticipation. Victory was a sweeter way of revenge, after all.

"Done. Anything else you want to add?"

"Nope" The tech handed the pencil to the weapon and he placed the tool on the paper next to Maka's writing,

**Signed by Maka Albarn.**

**Signed by Soul Eater Evans.**

"Don't forget about me" Stein popped his head in between the pair and fell forward, sprawling himself on the desk they were using. "I hope you will amuse me…. or I'll dissect you"

Both gulped.

**Signed by Dr. Frank Stein**

…………

Soul gave himself a look and shut his eyes in agony. Soul felt like dying.

A pair of silicon pushups plus a lacy bra and panties practically _shone_ in front of his eyes as he contemplated his dressed-up body through the mirror. _Dazzling._ No wrong. Maybe _baffling_.

The bra hung on his chest and panties choked his thigh muscles tight. It was a pain in the ass, literally. But worse than anything, Soul dreaded one thing above everything else. It was the color. The stupid undergarments were red. _Passionate, hot, sexy red_; or at least it was supposed to be like that. Soul took a mouthful of air and stretched his lanky shoulders backwards, in an attempt of regaining his manly dignity, but it only worsened his image by empathizing his lean muscles and highlighting the flashy undergarments. He looked utterly ridiculous_. Worse_ than black star in a tutu. Suddenly the door flung open and Kidd entered carrying a pair of clothes,

"Are you don.." The house owner didn't get to finish his sentence. Kidd gaped.

Soul sometimes wondered_ why_ he and his pride couldn't just be swallowed by the merciful earth.

**5 minutes earlier- flashback**

"No! I am NOT going to use that thing! No way I'm going to stick that disgusting thing on my chest." Two boys wrestled each other on the floor. The black haired was shoving the item he was carrying on his hand on the white haired's face.

"You have no idea what the term 'disgusting' means. If you want to win this bet, wear it!" Kidd grinded his teeth as he felt Soul's hand forcibly push his cheek and the silicone push ups away as far as he could from his body.

"Why cant I just use a frigging _normal_ bra?" The scythe boy protested feeling the squishy plastic material molest his eyes and front head. The weapon gave another hard push and the death god felt himself flip backwards obtaining as a result an ungraceful landing.

"Because, if someone_ accidentally _pokes you, they'll find out it's air instead of breasts!" The victim didn't look convinced but finally took the push ups with an unhappy face from the hands of his friend. He frowned holding the bra with the attached pushed ups over his head with a pink flush. Why was Kidd trying so hard anyways?

"And _why_ do you have something like this in your drawer again?"

"I just wanted to make Liz's breast symmetrical to Patty's" Kidd sniffed "She wouldn't agree."

**5 minutes flashback - over**

Kidd gaped. Soul prepared himself for a mental slap or a laugh outburst.

"How…" Kidd began his sentence, Soul waited "… beautiful!"

The Shinigami dropped the clothes he had been carrying to clasp his hands as if he had encountered the most pleasant thing in his life. As Kidd's eyes almost twinkled, Soul dropped his jaw.

"Huh?"

"The_ symmetry_! I'm so happy you put them on. They wouldn't look symmetrical on the floor." Kidd face twisted as if he had remembered something maddening "There was always one single crease that…"

"Kidd. You need to see the psychologist"

"And you should_ really_ do something about your hair. It's the only thing ruining the whole picture" Soul ignored his friend's complex. Seriously, he had forgotten this guy wouldn't care even if his own father, Shinigami-sama, were wearing a frigging lingerie as long as it was symmetrical. Soul looked himself again in the mirror.

"Hey. Do I really have to wear these panties?" He turned around and reflected his back on the looking glass "I mean, no one will notice if I wear my boxers under a pair of pants…"

"Who said you were going to wear trousers?" Red eyes quickly matched the golden ones

"I'm not?"

Kidd handed him a skirt and Soul grumbled under his breath. The mini-deathgod, arched a brow and cleared his throat to do some consoling. After all, Death gods had to show their good points to keep up their popular reputation.

"Soul." The owner of the name stopped straddling his feet to fit the skirt and tilted his head in response, Kidd tried to sound caring "if it makes you feel better, the color," he flicked his finger up and down, "they match your eyes"

"Shut up"

……………..

"Tsubaki…stop…" Maka panted as she tried to catch her breath. "I..I cant breath!"

"Please be patient. Just a little more.."

"Ow… why is it so tight!? Please just…"

"but Maka-chan… you have _grown_" Tsubaki said

"_Really_?" Maka turned her head and let her eyes widen with refilled hope; the emerald orbs were almost glimmering

"Yes" Her friend nodded. Maka felt her face blush in happiness and made her index fingers meet showing her embarrassment. Tsubaki finally posed a clip on the bandages she had been adjusting on Maka's chest.

"Barely but done" she swiped the little sweat beads on her forehead "I thought this amount would be sufficient but as I said before, you have _grown_"

"Thank you" Tsubaki smiled in response and then hesitated a while before speaking again

"Did you say that you were going to meet up with Soul tomorrow in front of school?" Maka finished slipping the clothes that her friend had given her. They were one of the million clothes that Black star never used nor remembered he had them.

"Yup. We are going to act like interchange students."

"Does professor Stein knows this?"

"We talked to him about our bet. He agreed saying that it was going to be…" Maka felt her back give off a small shiver as she remembered the look on her teacher's face, "… interesting"

"Oh" The chain and saw weapon rolled her eyes and focused them on the-suddenly-not-so-boring-cushion that lied on the floor, as if she was trying to decide what to do and finally made up her mind, "Maka… Are you sure you want to do thi…"

"Yes. Tsubaki, we have been over this. This is the tenth time you asked."

"Right. I'm sorry…"

……

**D-day**

Soul and Maka stood in front of the entrance of their School. The boy wore a pink skirt and a white jumper, his head was tied up in two diminutive ponytails on each side and some loose and short strands that reached his shoulders; he wore a grim look on his face. He felt the stupid panties stuck on his butt.

The girl, on the other side, wore a pair of brown three quarter khaki pants that reached down her knees. A loose black T-shirt with a little blue star engraved on the corner (it was the one that had the smallest star).

"What happened to you hair?" Soul asked calmly seeing his partner's usual pig tails tied hair short to the ears,

"Wig. What happened to you?!" Her tone showed shock mixed with horror, but her partner took it as a compliment.

"Surprised to see me better dressed up than you?" Maka ignored the commentary

"Your hair!"

"Extensions"

"Your chest?"

"Push ups… you should try them too.." Maka chopped him

"Voice?"

"Hours of practice" with Kidd telling him to say 'Kyaa' after him. He omitted that scene; he preferred to erase it from his past.

"And eyebrows?!"

"Kidd" Soul stated the one word dryly and felt his body wince as he extracted from his memory the eight hours of pain and the finger wiggling he had seen before suffering. He never knew eyebrow picking could be used as a form of deadly torture.

"I'm sorry" said Maka feeling slight pity in her heart

"It's ok. Let's get going before Black star accuses us for attracting too much attention. Not that he won't do that afterwards, anyways…"

"Just one more question" Soul paused

"What?"

"Why a skirt?" The weapon shrugged and said

"I tried pants." Soul bit his lip "They were… tight.. no… uncomfortable down there"

Before he realized it, another Maka chop fell from the sky marking the start.

**End.**

………….

**Author notes:**

**Thanks ****Tina.503**** for the 'Kyaa' .**

**Hope you have enjoyed the new chap, **

**Now if you don't want a death god wearing red lingerie stalking you, then review!**

**If you want one, well… maybe he is behind you. Still please review before he takes you to the land of the dead XP.**

**Luvs,**

**Lafeedeslilas**


	3. Chapter 3: Boy meets boy

**Chapter Three: Boy meets boy**

"Out"

Maka blinked. Twice. Here she was, in a failed-sitting-attempt position with her butt suspended on the middle of nothing when it should be very comfortably seated on the bench, and there was Black star in front of her, wearing a dead serious face and signaling the exit with his thumb.

"Excuse me?"

"_Excuse me_?" The assassin mimicked the supposed new transfer 'boy' words in a gross, exaggerated manner as he tried to imitate a voice he called that of a woman's " Ha! What are you? A _girl_?"

The girl-boy mused. Technically yes, she was a girl. Maka unintentionally let a small smile slip on her lips and was enjoying her own little joke, when she was brought back to reality as she heard the annoying voice demand again

"I said OUT."

"Oh,"

"Nyahahaha! You must be awed by my magnificence to be left without words! Yes, succumb into my greatness!" the boy's face darkened and his voice deepened "You thought you could trick me with _that_?"

"No, I just…" sat here without saying anything. _Was_ what she was going to say when Blackstar cut her off, again.

"It won't work! Not on the great god of all eras! Now get your weak ass, Kaka or whatever, from that chair and fight with your fist if you're a man!"

"It's Kam…" and she _wasn't_ a man and her butt_ wasn't_ on the chair. It was still on mid-air.

"I said that. Now fight!"

There were exited murmurs surrounding them, all the other students had their eyes focused on the two 'boys', awaiting for the great brawl to start. Tsubaki tried in vain to persuade her partner to not fight but only got a head shake from his part.

Maka gave a long inward sigh. She had just introduced herself as the new interchange student, second cousin of herself and had expected to at_ least_, very ordinarily get to talk with some guys and make her friends, again well.. _friends_.

But _noooooooooo_,

Black star just had to ruin the day before she could have done all that.

Maka gave another long inward sigh and felt her chest go hollow from too much air. Somewhere in her mind had known from the start that it would have come to this. But she had not really given serious thought about it. A _fight _wasn't a big deal, getting punched _and _beaten by the toughest boy in class wasn't a biggy, but she didn't really liked the idea of having to ditch class…

"We need a teacher to supervise to…" she tried

"I can do that" Stein offered from below and raising his hand. _Gee thanks a lot_.

"There! Now let me prove you my superiority to your little-self!"

Maka ignored him and saw from the corner of her eyes that Soul was smirking; obviously, her partner couldn't wait for her to be found out. Oh well, if she was going to have to face hell, she would not do so alone. This was war, after all.

"Then how about a fight with weapons? Sill is new too. You don't want to fight her?" 'Kam' suggested

"WHAT?!" From behind her a hoarse boy-voice screamed out. The integrants of the classroom directed stupefied glances at the new transfer 'girl'. "I mean…" Soul cleared his throat and tried again, this time, with voice that was an octave higher and had a higher pitch" WHAT?!"

"OOOOOOOOH!! I hadn't notice your measly existence! You can get beaten too!" Black star said with his usual loud voice, Maka just turned around and asked in fake concerned tone

"Have a problem,_ Sill_?"

"Uh.. that.. lOOK, SHINIGAMI-SAMA IS GIVING AWAY _FREE_ KISHIN SOULS WEARING A FRILLY APRON!" All heads turned simultaneously towards where Soul's finger had pointed; including Kidd's, incredulous that his honorable father would actually do that or wear that. Soul flung the latter boy down, under the bench, tugging the death god's face to be only inches away from his.

"What should I do? If I turn into my weapon form, they'll find out I'm _me_!" Soul whispered while everyone was occupied searching for the non-existent shinigami-sama who was supposed to be giving away free souls…in an apron.

"Well, who _else_ would they think you are?" Kidd answered fixing back his collar.

"A pervert who is wearing a skirt, pushups, bra and girl undies with make up?"

"It can't be that bad…look at the bright side, maybe they'll just think you're gay…" Soul gave him an angry glare, and Kidd tried to mend what he had just said "…or transsexual? Only if that makes you feel better. "

The mini-deathgod caught one stray hair that had been moved from it's place. He frowned. Did it go right or left?

"Sill… We cant seem to find shinigami-sama…"

Soul popped his head out of the bench. He saw the bunch of teens looking out the window and Maka directing at him a very kind smile. That wrench.

"Maybe he is under the candle thingies. Just look a little bit at the right! Come on, you guys can find it."

And popped his head right back in.

"They'll definitely rip me into pieces and they'll feed me to cats. To _cats!_ and… Kidd, are you counting you _hair_?!"

"I have to know if each side has the same amount of them," He said with a feral look on his golden eyes

"My gender identity is in line and you are counting your HAIR?!"

"It's just that I don't know where to put this one lit… Ouch!"

"There. Now please try to console me before I get stoned, will you?"

"You..you plucked it out!"

"I can make you go bald too"

"Actually that isn't a bad ide…"

"KIDD!"

"Calm down. Erm, we can just do this and that.. and wuala!"

Soul took a look at what the tech held on his hand and praised him for just creating the object of his salvation.

"My friend, you. Are. A. Genius!"

…………..

"You. Are. An. idiot"

"Wha- Why?"

"_Hey_"

"Is this all you could have come up with?"

Maka sneered holding Soul in his scythe form. Soul gave what would be an offended or undignified face in the unrecognizable metallic surface, taking her question as an insult and retorting defensively

"But it's brilliant! No_ one_ can recognize me like this"

"It's a ribbon So-, uh, Sill. A _Ribbon_"

"_Yohooo?_"

"And what?"

"And _what_? I'll tell you _what_. It's _pink_! _All _girls use pink. And it was Kidd's anyways" Maka scowled. How to say this…She knew that her partner was very sensitive about any topic regarding his fashion sense. He wouldn't even hear her when she commented that the headband was kind of girly… How could she tell him that the ribbon didn't look good on him without hurting his feelings? And anyways, _why_ for pete's sake, would have Kidd had a pink lace with him?

"Sill, look, you are.. an extremely dangerous, very sharp and scary looking scythe with a _pink_ ribbon."

"The prettiest one in death city!" he said proudly

"Sill, you aren't getting the poi…"

"You lowly creatures dare to ignore me? Suffer heavenly retributioooooooooooon"

All of a sudden the assassin leaped over the unready pair, who met the assault with a hurried swing and began running to gain time.

"This… is… all… your.. fault!" Soul managed to say as his scythe head was forcibly brought back and front every time Maka made a light jump over the sprawled rocks that had previously been part of the floor before the show off had smashed them to bits.

" Wh- What did _I _do?"

"You… involved… me…in.. this.. stupid fight! " Said Soul panting and trying in vain to get a hold of his precious ribbon with no hands, as Maka rolled her eyes and wondered if weapons could breath. Through what? _Metallic pores_?

"_I'll get you…_"

"Since when do you complain about getting into a fight?"

"Since… KYAAAAA!" Soul AKA Sill, shrieked as he saw a giant lump of concrete ready to squash him into recyclable material. Maka avoided the contact and rolled off onto a side just to meet her partner with very wide eyes

"Did you just said 'kyaa'?"

"_I'll kill you…_"

"No, I didn't!" The weapon played innocent. Dang, the voice trainings hours with Kidd had probably become habit…

"You did!" Maka said as she burst laughing

"I did no…"

"_DON'T IGNORE ME!_!!" Black star shouted almost pleadingly and replaced Tsubaki with one of the giant peaks that had been part of the left wing of the school.

"Black star don't!"

"Oh shi-"

In that precise moment, three things happened at the same time; almost as if in slow motion. One, Soul transformed into his human form and positioned himself in front of Maka as a reflex, to protect his meister. Two, Kidd suddenly appeared out of nowhere and gave a very horrified shriek seeing the symmetry of his perfect school ruined, took out his two weapons on an impulse and shot the crazed assassin who was still holding the massive lead thorn with his death canon, sending him flying towards Soul as a super fast pitched baseball would. And three, everyone witnessed the most _romantic_ kissing scene ever seen in all death city's history:

Black star tackling the new girl called Sill, and landing (better said, _smacking_) his lips directly on Soul's.

The slapping sound practically echoed through the suddenly quiet battle ground.

Finally after an awkward silence, the lips parted, and somewhere in the distance, a single hysterical laugh made it's way through the throng of people; It was clearly Stein's.

Soul weakly mumbled in total shock,

"My .. my first kiss…"

And Black star promptly blushed.

………….

Dozen red roses, a letter, one very big poster that said his alias and ….an autograph. All in the middle of the hall, blocking the path of many. It was obvious from whom it was.

_No._

Soul repeatedly screamed the single negation word in his mind, which had been infested with the thought that this might be what he thought it was…?

_No. It couldn't be._

The scythe gave a tell-me-it's-not-true look to his black haired friend but only received a pitying shake of a head as an answer, shattering all his hopes.

"But I'm sure that Blac…"

"_Don't."_ Soul's red eyes turned even redder; if that is possible "Say. That. name"

And silence was what he got. However right after the tranquil moment, Kidd heard a slight crack resound the hall they were in. Realizing too late it had been the weapon's sanity that had just shattered once he had suddenly remembered the whole root of his misery, the death god found himself knocked down on the floor in a blink of an eye with all the gifts thrown off to the air,

"…YOU!" Soul hollered as he threw himself on the death god with a wild look on his eyes, and straddled himself in a comfortable position on Kidd's belly to choke him more efficiently; all without even bothering to see if his skirt covered his bum at all,

"This was all your fault, wasn't it?…DO SOMETHING! " He demanded as the death god wiggled underneath him and tried to escape from his friend who had just turned into an animal. No , _even_ animals were kinder…

The massive group of people that had previously been wandering off because their path had been blocked by all the presents, began shifting their direction and gathered around the couple, to watch the spectacle, take a few photos and let occasional wolf whistles on the air. It wasn't every day you got to see the son of the ruler of death city making out with a girl in the middle if the main hall, wasn't it?

But the two boys who didn't notice any of the occasional camera flashes and 'get a room' commentaries that the people were throwing, were too busy: one, in trying to save himself from the death by breath-loss; and two, strangling an answer out of the other.

"gurg.. I …didn't do anything.." The one on top shot him a deathly glare. One that even death himself would have wanted to run away with it's tail in between, if it had any, if it had seen it. After thinking it _very _calmly, Kidd decided it would be wiser to admit/confess what he had done "Yes, I know I was the one who forced Black star on you but…"

"I SAID DON'T SAY THAT NAME!"

" .. but it was _his_ fault for destroying the school and anyways, he is just too conceited. And since he is an asymmetrical, idiotic egocentric moron, maybe he will just give up.. or even _forget_! He has a small brain after all… And it's inconceivable that one can fall in love with a simple kiss, only a naive idiot would do that. Oh wait…"

Soul was just about to shove his fist through the mini-death god's mouth when he paused as he noticed a small piece of paper descending in a very gentle, fleeting manner; he caught it and read it; it was in written in cursive :

"_Eeny, meeny, miny moe_

_You are mine 'cause I (god) said it so!_

_Even if you squeal, cry, scream, or squabble,_

_I'll never ever EVER, let you go_

_Eeny, meeny, miny moe_

_I command you to go out with me, _

_and that is al._

_With godly love, BlACKSTAR_

_PS. Write me!*_"

That was just enough to make Soul faint.

The two weeks simply didn't look any near to their end.

**End**

………..

**Author notes:**

Phew! Finally. Hehe, hope you enjoyed the chap XD.

Ok, so first, I want to thank all reviewers, you guys are my inspiration :P.

Two; you'll probably find some (or many) gram errors, I'll apologize in advance, but I seriously can't help it (my mother language is other).

Uhmm, just for the ones who are curious or worrying. I won't only write about Soul's adventures (if they can be called that), I will also put a lot of Maka-suffering moments. The art of torture never discriminates gender, after all (evil grin).

Still, please tell me how you like it, uh... tell me your opinion, questions, whatever so.. uh..… so don't forget to **review**!!! (or may black star kiss you. Oh, wait…)


	4. Chapter 4: It's a wonderful world

**Chapter 4: It's a wonderful world**

"Make him stop, _please._"

Tsubaki tilted her surprised head towards the voice, stopped wondering how and why had she been transferred from a hallway to a small storage room and quit brushing the mop.

Soul knelt down on the floor with his head down, rubbing his hands together and surrendering his pride to the fate of that of a loser's. He had decided he preferred to be a loser than being molested for two whole weeks by his best _male_ friend.

"Please…" He begged once more and tried the wet puppy eyes technique on Tsubaki, who still stood too confused to say anything at the sight of the proudest guy after his meister, kneeling and making a fool of himself. Kid didn't count as proud. He would fall into his knees, without thinking it twice, for anything symmetry-related.

"W..What?" The female weapon asked as she directed a lost look at Kid who stood wearing a bored look next to the pleading girl-dressing-boy; The accomplice cleared his throat and started his explanation,

"Black star is…" He gave an unsure look at Soul, who gave him a short nod, and continued "Black star is …stalking Soul"

"Excuse me?"

"Black star has a piece of Soul's hair glued to his wallet _and_ is stalking Soul.."

"And he won't give up! You know him better than anyone else. You know he will _never_ stop!!! I couldn't even go to piss for a whole _day_ without him watching! One whole day…!!" Soul whimpered as he frantically hung himself on the girl's dress expecting some kind of heavenly miracle. Tsubaki collected her cloth and herself safe from the boy's mucus with her mouth slightly still opened in awe. Was the always-cool weapon now.._ sobbing_..?

"Soul-kun wait… give up on _what_?"

"He wants me to be his girlfriend…" Soul sniffled "No. What am I saying? He doesn't want me to be his _girlfriend_… He wants me to _marry_ him!" he said as he threw his arms into the air with such a exaggerated despair that made Kid roll his eyes; he was being such a drama queen…

"…"

"Why, just yesterday my seat was bursting with two meter tall sunflowers and a mountain of autographs. HIS AUTHOGRAPHS. I swear I'm allergic to paper now.."

"he.. he gave you .. his favorite flowers.." the girl stuttered; unnoticed. Kid handed the shocked Tsubaki a small and transparent plastic bag that contained some kind of object that could be recognized as a muddy, little piece of paper that had been clearly ripped off from a notebook,

"This was attached to them" he said as he tried to take the 'thing' farthest from his body as his arm would allow him; Tsubaki read it aloud with a quiet voice,

"_If you were snot, I would pick you first._

_Let's rule the world together, Black star_"

Soul snatched the paper from the girl's trembling hands and somehow managed to slice it, burn it and shove it down his throat. He coughed some ash and resumed the conversation as if what he had just done, had never happened in the first place,

"And that stupid, and not to forget, cheesy line is not all, Tsubaki..!!! He also groped… *cough* no, wait, he _slapped _my butt while I was walking down the hall!" Soul said bracing himself and feeling goose bumps all over his body as his mind remembered the sexual harassment.

"And he liked it" Kid complemented

"He.. did?"

"Yes, just a second before he commented how he liked them firm…"

"SHUT UP..."

The two words had been uttered with such a venomous tone, accompanied with a dangerous crack, that the boys' brains automatically stopped functioning. Very carefully and with a few pauses, they turned their heads to see a very, _very_ furious and angry girl with a smashed sweeper on her hand.

The woman roared. The boys automatically started to quiver of fear. Tsubaki, the quiet, gentle, maternal and caring Tsubaki, had screamed, plus wore a dangerously crazed look on her eyes. _And_ had a gardening scissors by her bosom…

"I'll cut your butt into shreds!" she spat, snapping the scissors viciously with her both hands. Totally forgetting that her rival was actually a cross dressing boy, she sent a mighty slap towards his defenseless cheek; Kid simply watched speechless as his friends neck bone almost disconnected,

"The symmetry…"

"He prefers them firm…" the female mumbled weakly with a hint of bitterness, and the death god rushed towards to fix the victim's neck holding a tape in his hands. The woman simply slumped herself on the pavement and broke into tears like a child,

"Nob.. Tbsubaki… buh.. –cbhan.. I'm bure he likebs byours tboo" Soul said -after reviving- in the most soothing way a person with a inflated cheek could, and carefully patted her back sympathetically, half motivated by fright and terror and the other half by pity. He glared at Kid, who was trying next to fix the broken machine. The mini death god whispered a compassionate "I'll be back" to the unattended patient, grumbled a question under his breath to heavens of why on earth would someone want an idiot's love and joined in the consoling,

"Yes, I mean… as the saying goes: love is friendship caught on fire… and you and Black star… are well.. best friends… oh I mean Soul and Black star are best friends, you and him are _just_ partners but that doesn't…"

SLAP

Kid felt his cheek grow by five centimeters more and turn into a blazing red bulge that was slightly bigger than Soul's.

"Obuch?"

Consecutively Tsubaki experienced what would be called a mental breakdown; her crying increased twice fold, her hands rapidly surrounded the unsuspecting cheek-bloated deathgod's- who looked like a cheek-full chipmunk – neck and attempted to smother him. Soul bravely scrambled his way away holding a broom to protect himself with, all after staying petrified for ten whole seconds of horror as his friend was being slaughtered.

Kidd's arm dropped dead as he finally rendered himself to his hopeless fate, and began slipping from reality to pass to dream about a life without his sanzu lines. Soul wearily wondered from a safe spot if Maka was spending her days in utter misery as he was…

And every person passing the storage room thought they had heard a howl, but nevertheless ignored it.

The day was windy, and it playing tricks on the ear.

Yes, that was all.

………..

"MAKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-CHAN!!"

The door blew up after receiving various wild slices. A red haired man skidded and barged into the classroom. Stein sighed; he had been counting the days,

"Where is my baby? Where is my Maka?" he asked as the father desperately searched the seats, throwing everyone blocking his path out the window. Stein applauded at that. Yay, raw dissecting material.

However he knew this couldn't keep going on… There was bigger fun awaiting.

The teacher rose from his seat and placed his hand on the intruder's shoulder, smiling rather kindly, and taking a terrified student from the death scythe's hands.

"Sempai, Maka is in the ..Antarctica. She went as an interchange student."

"My Maka…!!! In the North Pole…!!!"

"… the South Sempai… the South…"

"I said that! Oh no, she is going get eaten by penguins!"

"Polar bears… Polar bears…" Stein mumbled, knowing it has hopeless.

The death scythe hurled himself on the scientist with tears flooding his eyes, " I don't believe you. My Maka would _never_ go somewhere without telling her papa… Where did you hide her?!"

"Uncle."

Spirit ears perked at the slightly familiar voice and turned expectantly.

"…Maka…?"

Maka placed her palm on the adult's back and rapidly lead the dazed man through the door and out the classroom, to somewhere without witnesses; all the while wearing an overly polite smile.

"Maka-chan, what have you done to your hair?!" Spirit asked horrified searching in vain for the vanished pigtails, "and your chest! Your chest!!!! Where is your petty_ little_ chest? Don't worry Maka, Papa has a friend that specializes in plastic surgery and he can…" Maka's eye twitched with irritation, but refrained herself from throwing her book on him, and tried her best to keep the polite smile going,

"Uncle Spirit… I am the son of one your relatives."

"Which one? Uncle Bob? But he only has 7 daughters…" Spirit asked with a puzzled look on his face

"No, it's Sam."

"As long as I remember, I don't have any relative named _Sam_" The man scratched the back of his head

"He is the youngest son of the third son of your great aunt who is the cousin of your second uncle who is the father-in-law of your great grand aunt who was adopted by your great, great grandfather from part of your mother (AN: Look, I've no idea of what I just wrote ok?)"

"…That explains it… I think…"

Maka clicked her tongue behind his back. Her papa was too stubborn for his own good.

"The name is Kam." She said, handing her hand as to greet. Spirit stared at it suspiciously and crossed his arms; squinting his eyes as to find some kind of clue to reconfirm his doubt,

"You are not my Maka?"

"No.. uh.. Sir. As you see, I'm a guy and she…" Spirit eyes suddenly glinted with triumph

"Then _prove _it!"

Maka took a few steps away from the man and felt in no time the wall on her back. Slight panic began bubbling on her stomach at the unexpected outcome; Spirit was now cornering the 'boy' totally with a predatory look on his eyes, "You can't prove it?"

"Uh… How should I _prove_…?"

"Like… THIS!" Instantly Spirit's hand was on Maka's pants, but the smart girl had guessed her father's intentions just in time, to prevent them from falling from her hips. Spirit, still with his hand on the trouser's hem, lifted his head to see a very undignified and blushing Maka who was biting her lip, trying to not lose to her father's strength.

"What… are you doing?"

"Taking your pants off…" The man forcibly tugged the pant again but the 'boy' refused to yield as she yanked them upwards and hissed

"I know that! Just what do you think you're…"

"But I was just going to see if you had a …"

"PAPA!"

Maka felt the blood drain from her face. At the same time, Spirit began celebrating,

"I knew it! You _are _my Maka after all!!"

Maka sighed wearily. Brainwashing hadn't worked… and everything else had just gone into havoc. It was time for plan B… Spirit continued goading,

"… See? I never, _ever_ forget the face of the women I see and neither the voices I hear. Specially my own daughter's and .."

With one thump, Spirit fell half dead on the floor without properly ending his boasting about one of his few womanizer skills that didn't involve any booze. Stein stood behind his sempai with one of his hands on the air, stiff, and with slight smoke coming out of it. It was a newly developed,nerve numbing, Sternocleidomastoid chop only for Stein's special use. The poor man should have known what was going to hit him when he saw the polite smile… Overly polite smiles never meant any good. Stein caught his student looking at his hand curiously. "What? I wanted one too." He explained, and tied the corpse, "Is this ok?" Maka merely nodded at the question.

"Thank you Professor" Stein shrugged his shoulders, let a puff of smoke from his mouth and rubbed the burning cigarette's head on his Sempai's forehead as he eyed him carefully; just to make sure he still wasn't conscious.

"Cant complain when I'm getting free experimental material _plus_ a license to modify it…" The professor grabbed the fainted man from his collar and began dragging him down the hall cracking a sadistic smile, but stopped and turned at the remembrance of something he had quite forgotten " what did you say you wanted me to do to him?"

"Amnesia…"

"Ah yes, it will just take a peek at his brain and a poke here and there…" As the voice trailed off with contentment and few kukukus (aka subtle evil laughter); Maka shuddered.

As soon as the pair was out of sight, the technician directed her steps to the classroom's door but paused as she stumbled with a lump of guilt and a mental wall called 'reflection'.

Had she been too cruel with her father?

She shook her head, and continued to walk in light, happy strides.

_Nah._

………….

"Do you see him?" Sill asked in a frightened whisper to Kid, who was standing nonchalantly besides him, scouting the area.

"He is waiting for you round the next corner, with a camera in his hand" The death god observed

"Ca-Camera..?! A-Anyways.. and… her..?" Both boys paled at the memory of Tsubaki shooting surreal laser beams through her eyes and Kid instantly hid behind the wall together with Soul, feeling suddenly very nervous and sweaty at the mention of the She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

"She.. is not here" he assured, amidst whispering

"I feel like wetting my pants…"

"You don't wear pants anymore. Here," said Kid and handed Soul an empty bottle from the emergency back pack he was wearing, which Soul took gladly; just in case. The white haired suddenly gave a horrified shriek and hid behind the death god; Tsubaki had passed with the scissors. And she was _running_.

"Girls are.. scary."

"Agreed"

"…."

"…"

"Stop trembling, you are a pitiful excuse of a man!" Kidd suddenly reproached. Soul gaped,

"Your knees are trembling too!"

"I'm emitting body heat, you ignorant homo!"

"says Mr-I-shoot-neon-pink-bullets!" Kidd backed up a few steps; obviously hurt,

"A..At least I don't _giggle_!"

"That's because _you_ taught me, and you know what? You dress like a woman!"

"I'm not one who is are wearing a skirt and panties with lace…"

"Look, it's not like I want to… at least not like your father, who wears a dress. And _everyday_!"

"It's a robe! Unsophisticated dope!" Kid cried offended,

"Whatever" Soul snorted, thinking he had already won. Kid didn't give up.

"Y-You kissed a guy!" Soul grimaced

"That was your fault, idiot!"

"You… you… double idiot!" he responded childishly, for a lack of better word

"Well then you are double, double idiot, _idiot_"

"999,999,999,999,999,999,999 times Idiot!"

"Uh.. Uh… 999,999,999,999,999,999,999 times plus one Idiot. Ha!"

"_Eons_ times idiot! Beat _that_!"

"That's not fair!"

"Everything is fair. I _rule_ this city… not yet, though"

"Sh… shut up or.. or.. I'll cut your hair in zigzag without a ruler!"

"Never!" Kidd responded passionately.

Without both realizing it, Black star had cleverly guided himself with the help of their so-not-noticeable screams,

"Wohoo!! Can I join too?"

"NO!**"**

…………

Safe from the perverted claws of Black star, who was discovered to be stacked with hundreds of Sill's unaware photo shoots, like a decent stalker should, and the fearsome ninja killing intent from Tsubaki's part; Soul sat in class next to Maka.

It felt like _heaven_.

Seriously.

He had never thought there would be a day he would feel safe studying _dissectionometry_ (The mathematics of the properties, measurement, and relationships of veins, arteries, muscles, surfaces of a living being so one can do a decent dissection). He was dreamily enjoying his short bliss, when he realized that Stein had declared a random break.

"Soul…"

"Uhmm?" Maka looked at him with a very disturbed face.

"I need to go to the bathroom…" Soul arched a brow, finding a very obvious answer to the problem,

"Then _go_?"

"I don't want to enter_ there_…" The boy nodded, finally getting the point,

"I have an idea…" Maka brightened up,

"What?"

"Get a tree, I do that. Oh yeah, Bottles work fine too." Maka just looked at him tastelessly and sighed,

"Never mind that… Actually I wanted to ask you for a favor…" she said blushing slightly

"huh? What is it?"

"Please get me a tampon…"

…………..

The scythe fidgeted. He then fidgeted uncomfortably two times more.

Oh, how much he had tried to avoid the dreaded girl's bathroom; even if there was no one currently in it. And now he was here sent as an errand boy slash girl to buy _tampons._ Only because Tsubaki's location was currently unknown and because he preferred it stayed that way. He reflected that the assassin's partner had some serious split personality issues. Not that she was the only one. Kid had one of those too.

Once again, he dumbly stared at the ominous, dark, towering figure: The Tampon vending machine.

The horror. The awe.

He turned the little metallic switch around. There was a clicking sound and Soul jumped startled and stared amazed, with utmost concentration as a single roll of white paper appeared.

He grabbed it carefully and held it to examine all of it's sides as if it were the rarest thing he had ever seen after Kidd's sleeping posture, which was simply fascinating by the way.

When he secured it in his hand, Soul skipped happily towards where Maka was waiting for him.

He had the tampon in his hands!

…………..

"Here"

"Thanks"

Without blinking even once, Maka hastily took the tampon and entered her own damnable space: the men's bathroom.

_Please let there be no one. Please let there be no one. Please let there be no one_….

She pressed her eyes hard shut and tried to walk in fast, but ended banging up her head on the wall.

_Ugh…_

She opened one eye and peeked to see, and found herself looking at Harvar and Kilik. Her academic rival's partner was washing his hands and the latter was doing healthy business.

She tried to pass as quickly as possible and tried to reach one of the cabins.

_Just pass quickly. Don't turn. Breath in… Breath out and …Just don't look and everything is going to be fin…_

"Yo, new guy!"

Maka turned on an impulse at the cheery voice of Kilik who very casually greeted her with a cool smile,

"H..Hey…" Kam replied hoarsely as she felt her eyes spin and her face heat up. _Oh dear… just please stay where you are or…_ Kilik didn't. Before Maka realized herself, she had already sent a powerful kick to the bulge that had had her blushing.

The innocent victim instantly dropped on the floor with a pitiful muffle and blank eyes. Harvar, who though still had a dull and unaffected expression, shivered. The tampon Maka had been holding swooned. Maka snatched it back from the air and caught the surviving male looking. She kicked him too.

And so… The men's bathroom became legend.

**End**

………….

**Omake:**

Stein expanded his hands and felt himself bask into the gloriousness of creation. Spirit sat up robotically, from the metallic surface he had been being experimented on.

"Hahaha!!! It's .. It's .. ALIVE!!!!" The scientist shouted proudly; his glasses glinting with the laboratory's blue lights,

"Mama!" The new Spirit chirped to Stein.

"Die"

…………..

**AN:**

Oh well, there goes another chapter where I attempt to make you guys laugh (sorry if I laughed alone XP). I'll keep writing (practicing… uh.. yeah… that) till I reach your expectations…

yeah, so no real ending here but well…. Hope you liked the totally random omake XD.

**Next chap's Teaser:**

Well, Black Star stalking Soul cant go on forever …right? Soul will somehow manage… right?

And Maka has a secret admirer too!!! Hm.. wonder who could _that_ be..?

Ah yes before I forget…Please....

**Reviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreviewreview … **

Haha, That's all


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